The Funk is a living creature. It’s about the size of a medicine ball, but covered in teats. It came from another planet, and landed on my house. I was just a simple juicemaker, but I took a look at all those mauve titties and lost my mind and began to milk the Funk. Made myself some Funk juice. Began to feel fizzy inside. I found I could see ’round corners. Suddenly, I passed out. But when I came to, baby, I was slapping a bass guitar fast and loose like some kind of delirious, funky priest.